Truths and lies

Dear Ariana, 

I know you are struggling a lot to forget what happened. You must move on and live your life.

Everything started to fall apart. The day I saw you, I made my mind to have a baby of our own. He never wanted it to happen soon. I agreed with him to explore in life more. One day I found something about him. He was going to donate his remaining wealth to orphanage. I was against this decision. I hope you will understand now the reason of my protest. Being a woman, it was hard to digest. I wanted to have my own baby. I would not mind to donate, but after living a life and seeing our children to grow. What about our future? There are so many problems beside love and hate between girl and boy, in the world of a married couple.

One day we had heated arguments and he lost control of his mind. He took the knife and all I remember is blood through his throat. People really lose mind in anger. I regret it now. I could have talked easily. I hope he forgives me. 

Our happy married life ended too soon. 

Now that you know what really happened between us, get your life now. 

I wish you to lead a good life.

'And so he ended?'

I was puzzled.  He was not a person who would end in such a way because of this matter. Yes, the police found knife and post mortem cleared that he took his own life. Sometime husband and wife can go to that extreme level of arguments that end up in divorce. It is after all true that being woman is difficult. Men don't understand us. 

In this letter are  truths and lies. 

With heavy heart I went to office.

What Happened?

I am feeling as if my body is heavy but somewhere in green place I am sitting and waiting. I don't know what happened and how I am here. He came towards me to sit where I was. I am feeling the green ground is pulling me down. It pulled me so hard inside like swallowing me. I am back again where I was sitting and he is weeping now. 

Without knowing what is going on or where I am, words came from my lips, "Wha.... How are you, now? "

He looked above  blue but cloudy sky. 

"And after passing years it seems like nothing happened. Everything is fine. " 

I felt warm drops of tears on my cheek, but I don't want to interrupt him and he went on. 

" Looking back all I see is darkness as if someone just clicked lights switch off and all at once went blank. Not fading, no, just went blank, like nothing was there. No one was there with glittering beautiful eyes and smile and blushing face. Hmm Feelings, nothing. How fool I was and still I am  to look back. Just wanted to get glimpse of sweet memories that went into the darkness, although I know there will be nothing but pain. Like a dark mirror, neither I can see what was there nor what is there. Seems like nothing existed, not even shadows, which once meant a whole world. Only if you could enter inside my head and see what I am feeling right now, you will never ask again that question." 

I opened my eyes and droplets of tears were on my cheeks. Some 10 years ago, I saw a happily married couple, new in the semi-urban. After  few months, I saw they were changed. They were like strangers to each others. I never wanted to cross their path. But during their happy days, they invited me as a neighbour's child who will have some cookies. He invited me. Both were nice to me. Something happened and he died. I could not digest it. Few days before the sad news, he gave me a package. He trusted me with it. 

"What happened? "

"..... you will never ask again that question. " 

The package is still with me, safe. I don't know what is inside. And I don't want to know. I am curious but I gave him words to open only when it is needed. 

After returning with the letter that day, I didn't dared to open the letter but may be I should open and read. I was already lost, the letter won't make any difference. I am already done with whatever happened. But I wanted to know what really happened.