All I could remember is they gave me anasthesia and performed D&C procedure also known as Dilatation and Curettage process , in medical words a surgical procedure in which the cervix (lower, narrow part of the uterus) is dilated (expanded) so that the uterine lining (endometrium) can be scraped with a curette (spoon-shaped instrument) to remove remaining tissues of unborn who could not make it. In my words, it was letting go of newborn feelings of expecting and unborn feelings of post expectation. Even the void was felt as if filled with unexpressed everything that could have happened. Those instagram pages which was subscribed for tips and guide during pregnancy haunted me. The pop ups on my tracker app was squeezing my heart. We grew a feeling of something new, which turned into habit and departed leaving the numbness.
All these are now gone and cannot be brought back. The pages don't haunt me anymore, the tracker is reset back to normal and the numbness is left with a new void that made a place to settle which was never there before. While depression held me in a cage, I realised on perspective of rational thinking, I can make a choice. A choice to embrace the new feeling that left me ajar for new beginning.
My heart goes for those who went through such trauma , any trauma but silently suffering. Which is absolutely fine because sometimes we alone need to take a stand to hold ourselves and no one can help in doing so.
Thank you for reading❣️
Thank you my beloved husband for all the efforts and love you shower always.