IN DILLEMMA WITH , "NO"

"NO", too easy to write yet too difficult to say. There are so many problems in our lives and one of them is the dillemma of saying NO.  It is just a word but powerful enough to pressurise yourself and might set your heart free once you say it. 

We are social animal and we care for each other because of the group we belong to.  We cannot just say NO and move on because that will carry a burden of guilt. This is given to us as a child and we carry it in adulthood. "NO" makes us feel negativity because we don't want to be left out from our group. We theoratically conclude the practical outcome before expressing the desire to say NO.

What if you can say , NO, even for a day? What if you can say NO and propose your desire to the opposite? 

I KNOW FEW WOMEN

Whenever I thought of writing about women, I failed to attempt. There is no adjective which fits equivalent to women. After lots of struggling with myself, I came to conclusion that I should write about few women I met.

That would be easy for trying in writing about women. 

I know few women and they are amazing in their own way.

Some are like an open book. They know what they want and does work with great enthusiasm.Their path was made with dreams which turned into vision and than reality. They walked farther to check what was beyond. 

Some are reserved. They too know what they want. They sewed their path with their priorities. It is their privilege to walk through the way they choosed. 

Man and woman compliment each other in grand circle of life and evolution.In perspective of men, they find women to be difficult to understand. 

Would it passionately interest you if our universe is too easy to understand?  🤷‍♀️

Thank you for reading. ❤

SAID WITHOUT SPEAKING

Loved me or loved me not,

To see those glittering eyes, 

I used to go through that road, 

Where I left my heart like a rolling dice,

In hope of a small talk, 

I smiled back like a stupid, 

May be it was better to just stalk, 

Although I felt around me cupid. 

Not a single day went without seeing, 

But never ever got a chance to speak, 

There were sunny days and so was raining, 

There was love to express which was at its peak. 

Was I too young to speak out my heart? 

In any way it was meant to start, 

Those glittering eyes finally were at me staring, 

Seemed like I said without speaking.

You know what happened after this

Some moments cannot be described or told , they are lived.

Had you lived your's? 🦋

Don't forget to give answer and a feedback. 🦋🦋

Thank you for reading. 

THE MODERN AGE OR THE AGE OF CRISIS?

The discord between the development of positive science on one hand and the dehumanization of man on the other hand is the worst crisis of the modern age. Man lost foothold in the dilemma of conquering and quest for power or authority. Man has lost ownership of himself and the 'individual self' got crushed too. This is a sceptical age where men are seeking a new faith to replace the faith of their ancestors. Man's knowledge has outrun his wisdom and he is haunted by the destructive power of his own inventions which he is unable to control. This is an age of fierce paradox in which our perspective is thwarted.  Men are caged by their obssessions of authority without integrity.

BEAUTY IN THE DARKNESS

When you read or hear the word 'space' , you might think of darkness. Infinite, empty and dark.  But there dwells life and death. There dwells the creation and devastation. With our scientific advancements , we came to know about the big bang and the creations. Our ancestors too had known about creations but with different perspectives. Our modern thinking might contrast with their beliefs. But we all are in the same boat. 

We are still learning how to sail across the space. 

We hope that may be somewhere out there, another boat is there with people like us. Maybe some sailed and reached at the end of it, waiting for us. 

The heavenly bodies are sailing across the space too.  In the darkness is the most beautiful. 

So, when you hear or read the word 'space'  next time , think about its beauty too. 

Don't ask me ( THE END CHAPTER)

"You lied", I said her in furious voice, "You set the accident, you made it according to your plan"

She was smirking and walking near a table. She picked up the knife and an apple. She was cutting it and telling me that his side is a lie which I must not believe. 

"Don't let your emotion fool you", she was saying as if she felt sorry for me.

" I arranged everything and soon they will be here for undertaking the wealth." 

She banged the knife on the table and came furiously towards me and started choking me to death. She then came back to sense and said sorry for being rude. 

"Look, I did it. But you have to understand. I wanted so many things but what he wished for? A child? I can't compromise for it. I also have my own dream"

She again took the knife and came towards me. 

I tried to save myself and caught her hands off from my skin. In a furious fight she fell off and unfortunately she ended up killing herself. 

The police officer listened everything and took evidence Ariana recorded of her confession and how she tried to kill Ariana. 

In the note it was written to contact the orphanage and police. The only way to expose truth was to make her confess. Unfortunately her rage killed her. 

Ariana took a deep breath out of police station and returned to her world. After all life must go on. 

In rush, in peace she started her life journey. 

THE OTHER SIDE

Few days later at work. 

One of my collegue came towards me while I was having lunch with others. 

"Guess what? " , she said with a tone of excitement to share. 

"Well, You got promoted? "

"No, my beloved sent me a surpise package and I am going to open here. "

"That's great", we all were excited too. 

When her hands reached to the package she kept on the table she said, " You'll never knew what is inside untill you open it"

Something hit on my mind and words came out 

"That's right, I need to open to know. " 

Everybody were too busy to look her gifts of make up items and I fell back on chair. 

As if I forgot to look on the other side. 

I must know the other side. 

After reaching home, I took out the package he gave me. 

There were some documents for transfer of wealth to orphanage. Will papers stuff, a note where an email id was mentioned. 

After reading the note, I logged in to e-mail id and went to draft folder. There was an audio message. I played. 

" Ariana", I stopped it. 

The voice made my body lifeless. 

I wanted to get in the audio and talk to him and see him. I wanted to know if he is alive there. I thought so many impossible things like if he is inside the audio and may come out at any moment if I click play button. 

Coming back to senses, I played it.

"... make sure to delet this message and log out forever. 

First you need to follow the instructions on a note. 

Second.", there was a pause. 

" Ariana, I failed in life. No one will believe me. A woman no matter what is always a victim untill proved guilty. A man is guilty untill proved innocent. She and I wanted a happy life. I want to live. She led me to take this decision and here I am no job, ruined. I don't know if you'll understand or not. She never wanted in 'our way'.  She threatens me. She just want in 'her way'.  I tried to make her know things will not go well because of her such attitude. She is pregnant. The day you'll listen this audio, it will be too late. She will abort.  Her quench for thirst in 'her way' is going too far. When she found about orphanage donation , she threatened to kill our child. Will anyone believe me? Neither I can see my child get killed infront of my own eyes nor I want to give him a toxic life. You are my only hope to do it. I can trust you only. "

"Whom are you talking to? "

"Nothing"

"Lies, I hate lies. ", her evil voice shook my mind. 

"Leave me alone"

"Honey, I need to remind you about a child inside me. " , her voice is enough to make me think she was smirking that she caught him. Before I could listen, the audio ended there. 

I was staring on the wall in shock and confusions.

What to believe? 

A dead man telling lies. 

Truths and lies

Dear Ariana, 

I know you are struggling a lot to forget what happened. You must move on and live your life.

Everything started to fall apart. The day I saw you, I made my mind to have a baby of our own. He never wanted it to happen soon. I agreed with him to explore in life more. One day I found something about him. He was going to donate his remaining wealth to orphanage. I was against this decision. I hope you will understand now the reason of my protest. Being a woman, it was hard to digest. I wanted to have my own baby. I would not mind to donate, but after living a life and seeing our children to grow. What about our future? There are so many problems beside love and hate between girl and boy, in the world of a married couple.

One day we had heated arguments and he lost control of his mind. He took the knife and all I remember is blood through his throat. People really lose mind in anger. I regret it now. I could have talked easily. I hope he forgives me. 

Our happy married life ended too soon. 

Now that you know what really happened between us, get your life now. 

I wish you to lead a good life.

'And so he ended?'

I was puzzled.  He was not a person who would end in such a way because of this matter. Yes, the police found knife and post mortem cleared that he took his own life. Sometime husband and wife can go to that extreme level of arguments that end up in divorce. It is after all true that being woman is difficult. Men don't understand us. 

In this letter are  truths and lies. 

With heavy heart I went to office.

What Happened?

I am feeling as if my body is heavy but somewhere in green place I am sitting and waiting. I don't know what happened and how I am here. He came towards me to sit where I was. I am feeling the green ground is pulling me down. It pulled me so hard inside like swallowing me. I am back again where I was sitting and he is weeping now. 

Without knowing what is going on or where I am, words came from my lips, "Wha.... How are you, now? "

He looked above  blue but cloudy sky. 

"And after passing years it seems like nothing happened. Everything is fine. " 

I felt warm drops of tears on my cheek, but I don't want to interrupt him and he went on. 

" Looking back all I see is darkness as if someone just clicked lights switch off and all at once went blank. Not fading, no, just went blank, like nothing was there. No one was there with glittering beautiful eyes and smile and blushing face. Hmm Feelings, nothing. How fool I was and still I am  to look back. Just wanted to get glimpse of sweet memories that went into the darkness, although I know there will be nothing but pain. Like a dark mirror, neither I can see what was there nor what is there. Seems like nothing existed, not even shadows, which once meant a whole world. Only if you could enter inside my head and see what I am feeling right now, you will never ask again that question." 

I opened my eyes and droplets of tears were on my cheeks. Some 10 years ago, I saw a happily married couple, new in the semi-urban. After  few months, I saw they were changed. They were like strangers to each others. I never wanted to cross their path. But during their happy days, they invited me as a neighbour's child who will have some cookies. He invited me. Both were nice to me. Something happened and he died. I could not digest it. Few days before the sad news, he gave me a package. He trusted me with it. 

"What happened? "

"..... you will never ask again that question. " 

The package is still with me, safe. I don't know what is inside. And I don't want to know. I am curious but I gave him words to open only when it is needed. 

After returning with the letter that day, I didn't dared to open the letter but may be I should open and read. I was already lost, the letter won't make any difference. I am already done with whatever happened. But I wanted to know what really happened. 

FROM KNOWN

The sunshine calling to get out of home and get to work. As usual I took my lunch box and bag. This is good weather. Everyday I walk through these road, meet people who too are going for their job. All those good morning wishes. I can't think of anything but that dark part. It is like a black hole, I dont know what is in it or behind it. 

Sometimes my inner self says, ''How can you be so selfish honey. You are bored with your life. But instead of working on it, you are using feelings of others to forget what you have got in reality. You know this book ended but still you are turning pages and removing dust. Well you know how it ends. You are wasting the book, memories in vain. I do not see what you are getting through it. It began, it ended. Thats it. Leave it where it ended.'' 

All these words running inside my head but deep down I know I am now fine little bit. Yes I know where it ended . But it was never ending. I just stopped. May be I am too selfish. Or may be I am doing what I want. And it is not being selfish. It can be called as listening to heart but is it really listening to heart or oppressing heart. And I am now lost to nowhere. I reached cafe. 

'Good morning'

'Hey, morning' 

Hade was busy with morning customers at the cafe. I looked around and sat in the corner table that consist of two chairs. Corner table also keeps me out of people's sight that makes me comfortable. Hade knew I would like to have coffee to gear up myself for the day. 

He brought me a coffee cup and was holding an envolope. 'Here you go coffee', he kept on the table and gave me an envolope. I was puzzled to recieve it because who in the world would send me an envolope instead of email or text message. With strange look I asked, 'Wh... an envolope? ' 

He replied , 'Yes, someone came and said to hand it over to you because it is important' 

He continued , ' The guy said it must be given to you. '

Although I was confused but I asked no more and thanked him. He went busy in cafe and I was nervous at the same time but it really seemed me strange. I was sure this carries  no message of any job promotion letter for me. I saw there was no name except it was written FROM KNOWN. After lots of thoughts running inside head positive and negatives, I opened it.